In a fit of rage to throw her husband 's face the truth. And this is after 24 years of married life . He shock her despair. Before the woman never said a word about how she felt . Was sure to discuss "all this " uncomfortable and embarrassing , and her husband would not understand.
Why close people can not talk about the intimate side of his life and how to understand?
And if someone this story from the category "can not be " , then sexologists such situations - their everyday work . Here's what readers told MedPulse psychologist Eugene Makovetska sexologist .
Silence - gold?
- It is obvious that the young are more free and liberated . Sex for them long term legal . They grew up , formed in the days when " this " immodestly wrote and told.
Now for / f " Sex and the City " look even 13 -year-olds . And when parents are trying to speak : " Maybe you should too early " , replied: " Oh, come on ... " In general, the theory is well known . With some practice, but it is another matter . Turn on your television , you open the Internet, newspapers ... it seems that more problems than sexual , people simply do not . Meanwhile , to this day refer to sexologists those for whom to discuss intimate issues - a sore subject . There are several reasons .
First, the problem of confidence in the pair. Very thin, individual matter . No confidence , a sense of security , understanding - there is no way to open up, to start a frank conversation .
Second, the problem of communication. It is important to be able to talk about the issue so as not to offend, not to offend , not to shock . Find the right words , to take into account the mood of the partner. And if the original couple discussing their sex, and then suddenly stopped , probably , one side " scratched " the other. Now the topic is closed , and the fear of repeating the painful experience does not come back to the point where everything was okay.
double-edged sword
On an emotional level rising tensions and dissatisfaction with each other . It threatens parting. The reason - a double-edged sword : most often the problem was incorrectly presented to or could get the wrong reaction. How many " textbook cases " when women talk about their dissatisfaction , really hurting partner.
Third, the inability to talk about sex , as there is no decision of their own sexuality . Most often this background - directive asexual family upbringing . In the future, it becomes largely a problem of girls : their sexuality is more tied to the emotional , psychological background. For men thought of everything nature - high levels of testosterone support their libido .
Woman , brought up in an atmosphere of secrecy about the relations between the sexes , just do not know how to get satisfaction. Does not understand when a friend said : "Sex - it's super ." She does not know what it was about . Usually feelings of sexual life are reduced to the definition of " somehow , but in general you can bear ."
Fourth disharmony family life. In this case, people are not satisfied with one another or in terms of domestic or psychologically . Location here to undertake sexual harmony ?
Actress one role
- Another female problem - constant imitation of orgasm. Like a man after a passionate night wondered : "You were with me okay? " The girl he confidently : " Of course ! " On this issue was settled and closed. Further, approximately the same scenario is repeated love , a woman gets used to the role of a passionate partner, which flies from ecstasy to another dimension. Man, of course, pleased. First of all, is , I'm sure he magnificent lover. And so it goes on not one or two years - 15-20 years.
When a woman simply can not continue this farce , might truly a disaster. Initially she deceived , faked , faking , but was not as satisfying , and no.
What should she do ? Tell her husband the truth? It is definitely a risk - automatic loss of confidence in the pair. What conclusion can make a man ? " If she cheated on me so many years , could cheat at something else and, most likely , and did ... "
Few people who are capable of withstanding the recognition that their whole life together was just an illusion of well-being . Find here easy way out . What to do? Think through several possible solutions to the problem , selecting one that is less hurt partner. Understand this will help psychologist sexologist , knowing all the nuances of the situation. The only advice that can be given explicitly , - do not start lying about his " bed- happiness " from the outset.
Do not do terrible eyes !
- If parents have problems with accepting their sexuality , they are not able to build trusting relationships with each other , all this at an unconscious level transmitted to children who will go through life with the same kind of problems.
The family could not be any rigid installations , not to speak aloud about what sex - is " indecent and dirty " , but some inner stupor broadcast on an emotional level .
Another important focus . Educators and parents simply do not know how to react when a child begins to 2.5-3 years to examine their genitals to touch them . And if you are interested in " this place" a child of the opposite sex , they are terrified. Starting to hit on her hands, swear to punish.
However, in the interest of young children to the genitals of each other no sexual overtones. Their actions - it's not bad , and not be ashamed . This knowledge of the world , another person and himself, because such interest is natural.
In my experience was a blatant example . Boy in childhood caused serious psychological trauma . Around the age of 3.5 years, the teacher saw him in the shared bathroom . Nothing terrible and awful happened : he , removing panties , showed himself to the girl. The teacher is not enough that it has become a hit on her hands, in the quiet hours without panties put in the corner , face to all .
For a child it was a terrible psychological trauma , which manifested itself in the formation of sexuality already maturing teenager. From the onset of sexual activity he had difficulty with erection, among other things , problems with male identity.
"Rape" wife
- Another important aspect : people say "about it " , but do not hear each other. Let me explain by example. A man proposed to his young wife group sex : Cast it , she and one or two members . First, she refused , then relented.
New sexual experience was unpleasant to her . However, she still tried several times to find in it any pleasure . Say, does it because he did not want to disappoint her husband. In fact, all of unconscious fear of losing this man . But that happens only caused disgust that led to a decrease of sexual desire .
What do you think , what they came for consultation ? To adjust its aversion to continue further experiments . But it was necessary to convey to the guy that his wife all this absolutely hate . She also had to accept their sexuality , their own bodily reactions and stop fighting with disgust.
After all, the brain can be fooled by the body - never. Head know : times group sex someone so much, maybe I should try ? And when you try , the body literally screams : I do not want , I'm terribly bad, unpleasant , there is an immense feeling of disgust.
As a result, only the reception the young man realized that his wife was experiencing . But before that, people were discussing the situation, but he simply did not hear her . In fact, people participated in the " rape " of his wife , without realizing it. She was disconnected from their own experiences , trying to tune in to positive feelings , as if watching from the sidelines , one - a separate body - separately. So feel victims of violence .
And if within the couple , nothing will change , the development of relations can only go in one scenario . The girl's rejection of sexual relations will develop in principle.
In a word , to be able to hear and speak to each other in matters of "the most personal life " - means being able to be happy. And vice versa ...
